The CBUB Character Database

ISSUE #161

G.I. Joe vs. S.H.I.E.L.D


Voltron vs. Power Ranger's Zord

ISSUE #115

Robin v. Robin v. Robin v. Robin


Boba Fett vs. Batman


Robotech Defense Force vs. The Decepticons

ISSUE #136

The Thing vs. Colossus

ISSUE #127

Martial Mayhem - Round One!


Leisure Suit Larry vs. Austin Powers


Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones

ISSUE #144

Kerrigan vs. Diablo

ISSUE #103

Cthulhu vs. Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate

ISSUE #125

Great Pumpkin vs. Jack Skellington


Amityville House vs. Overlook Hotel


Iron Man vs. Steel


Elvira vs. Vampirella

ISSUE #145

Planet of the Apes vs. Star Trek Away Team

ISSUE #138

Wonder Woman vs. She-Hulk


Blade vs. Buffy vs. Vampire Hunter D


Borg Cube vs. Death Star


South Park vs. Peanuts


The Borg vs. Aliens

ISSUE #170

Jason Voorhees vs. Ash Williams


Justice League vs. X-Men


Batman vs. Captain America

ISSUE #160

Wonder Woman vs. Thor

ISSUE #168

Shazam vs. Black Bolt

ISSUE #141

Braveheart vs. Maximus

ISSUE #152

Yogi & Boo-Boo vs. Chip 'n' Dale


Sailor Moon vs. Ranma 1/2

ISSUE #131

Kingpin vs. Penguin vs. Jabba the Hutt

ISSUE #150

Matrix vs. Crouching Tiger

ISSUE #117

Kraven vs. Pokemon Island

ISSUE #153

Mum-Ra vs. Skeletor


Supergirl vs. A-ko vs. Ryoko


Shaggy vs. Dagwood vs. Jughead

ISSUE #177

Master Yoda vs. Professor Xavier


Defiant vs. White Star

ISSUE #154

Xena vs. Buffy

ISSUE #176

Daredevil vs. Snake Eyes

ISSUE #142

Spiderman vs. Wolverine

He, She or Flee!

En Garde!
He-Man vs. Callisto

Can the Ultimate Man take down the Ultimate Woman?

The sparks fly this week, folks.


Historical Note on this contest: This was the first Battle Circle match, and was intended totally as a joke. The set-up of the voting was such that there were no safeguards involved, and the truth was I could not imagine needing them. I mean, who would vote for "He-Man", right?

Wrong. Nope, this is the internet, and I soon discovered there is like this whole He-Man Nation out there! Fan-Club, Mailing List, Political infrastructure... the works! So, they got wind of my lame contest and descended like angry hornets. I sent a desperate call to help at the other Callisto pages and they came forth and met the He-Men in a battle of counters. I desperately began trying to formulate safeguards... but by then it was a lost cause. Any semblance of fairness had flown out the window....

And then, Jacob Quisenberry showed up.

Jacob, a physics major at Texas A&M, and some kind of seriously disturbed He-Man maniac, wrote a macro (I assume) to hit the He-Man vote counter at a rate of about twice a second (I estimate). Someone came along behind him and did the same for the Callisto Counter, but that's another story. Soon the votes were up in the multiple thousands. After using the wonders of the internet (Thanxs guys!! You know who you are!!!) to find out Jacobs location, I pulled the plug on the contest and this is the first fight commentary.

At the bottom of the page there is a link to Jacob Quisenberry's homepage at A&M. When you see it, the whole fight commentary will suddenly make perfect sense. You see, the guy is a devoted fan of a minor He-Man character named the "Sorceress". Hence, that character's appearance and destruction here. (actually... Jacob's page has since dissappeared).

And now... on with the battle..


PAT:  Hello and welcome to the sunny Khazan Stadium where we have an exciting match for you today. I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. Today we'll see a strong match up between Prince Aragorn - the "He-Man" in battle against the Goddess Callisto. Talk about titans drawing a line in the sand today. It's a fine day out there and this crowd of fans is just going nuts in the stands.

PAT:  That's right Jay, and who knows which way this thing could go. Okay, folks, it looks like the iron gates on each side of the arena are opening.... Yes the contestants are stepping onto the sand....

JAY:   Pat, we know the Fighter's Circle down there is a good hundred yards across, but it still looks too small to contain these two. What do you think?

PAT:  Oh, I... wait a sec, Jay... He-man is saying something... Can we get a mike on this?


PAT:  And the crowd is just going crazy, folks. They love it when the He-Man does his thing.

JAY:   And we have some reaction from Callisto now, Pat. Apparently she has just spit on the sand in disgust.

PAT:  The two rivals are facing off now, and striding across the sand. Each has their blades drawn now.

JAY:   The crowd is hushed. There's some real tension down there. I'm surprised to see Callisto isn't using any force bolts or lightning up front. Any comment there Pat?

PAT:  Callisto said yesterday on SportsBox that she wanted to "Dig her nails into his sagging flesh and rip it from his idiot body", Jay. I think she is....

JAY:   Wait a second Pat.... What is going on with the He-Man??!!

PAT:  Folks, it looks as though the He-Man is pumping up even further. I don't know what to make of it.

JAY:   His muscles are sprouting muscles! He is approaching Incredible Hulk porportions. Pat... any comment?

PAT:  This doesn't look like a standard He-Man gimmick here, Jay. There is definatly something odd...

JAY:   Callisto is charging the He-Man now! She is trying to catch him off guard...

PAT:  She has laid into the He-Man with full swing and... There is no effect!!!

JAY:   I don't even think he felt it.

PAT:  The He-Man has dropped his sword to the ground, folks... and the He-Man has grabbed Callisto! This could be bad... - DOUBLE SUPLEX!!!

JAY:   Oh the goddess did not take that well, Pat. Her sword is in the dust and she's crawling. And He-Man looks like he's still pumping up. What is going on with the He-Man?!?!

PAT:  Jay, He-Man is looking around now. He is looking at his own body. He doesn't seem to understand....

JAY:   Wait a second. Callisto has let fly with a chakram....

PAT:  I once asked her about Xena's chakram....

JAY:   Pat, she has thrown it in the air and... and she hit something in the air.

PAT:  Something is materializing there. Can we get close visual on this?

JAY:   It appears to be... some woman in a bird costume. Any comment on this, Pat?

PAT:  Jay, it looks like the SORCERESS OF GREYSKULL was flying invisible overhead and trying to CHEAT for He-Man.

JAY:   Sure does. And, He-Man is screaming in rage. Perhaps in his newly enchanted super-pumped state his mind is in chaos.

PAT:  Could be Jay. The He-Man has used his newly ultra-powerful leg muscles to jump into the air and has grabbed the Sorceress.

JAY:   Ouch, that's got to hurt.

PAT:  Callisto appears to be involking some powers now to keep the Sorceress from teleporting away.

JAY:   This could be bad...

PAT:  The He-Man has landed and is holding the Sorceress of Greyskull pinned.

JAY:   O00hhh .... Double Team!

PAT:  Callisto is pounding the Bird Woman repeatedly....

JAY:   Body Blow! Body Blow! Oh.. Multiple hyper-fast rabbit punches.

PAT:  The Sorceress will be eating mashed taters for the next few weeks.

JAY:   He-Man is now spinning in circles, Folks....

PAT:  It's a twister.... he's creating his own air vortex....

JAY:   It's away! There goes the Sorceress flying across the arena.

PAT:  And the crowd goes wild as a bloody smear explodes on the South wall.

JAY:   Callisto has fallen to the sand and is laughing hysterically.

PAT:  Technically the Sorceress can't be physically killed like that, but this might just remind her to STICK TO BEING A FORCE OF GOOD INSTEAD OF A LOUSY POWER HITTING CHEEZE-WEENIE!

JAY:   The He-Man is shaking his head... looks like he's trying to clear it. He is loosing girth fast now....

PAT:  Jay, he looks like he is returning to regular but still formidable He-Man status.

JAY:   Pat, it looks like the Sorceress' spell is wearing off now and the fight will continue normally.

PAT:  No, the two are nodding to each other.... There is some conversation...

JAY:   Can we get a mike on this?

PAT:  Oh no, and the sound man has just gone up in flames. Guess Callisto wanted to keep it a secret... wait, He-Man is using the sword bit... the sword is glowing..

JAY:   ..And it looks like the sound man will be okay...

PAT:  HEY! The contestants are returning to their gates! They are walking out of the Arena.

JAY:   Oh, I am stunned, Pat. The crowd is stunned. What are we seeing?

PAT:  I don't know Jay, but this can't be over, can it? What's that..? And the word is in from the ref, folks... This fight is history. Be here next week when we see Dr. Harleen Quinzel take on Cheetara of the Thundercats. This has been Pat Summers...

JAY:   And Jay Peoples wishing you well from beautiful Khazan Stadium. Good Day!


CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles