THROWDOWN AT THE PLAYGROUND!
South Park vs. Peanuts
This weeks match takes us to scenic South Park Colorado where
tension is running high. It seems that a recent student exchange program has gone
horribly awry; the local children haven't been receptive to the newcomers and have
challenged them to meet at recess to "discuss" the situation. Let's listen in as
they get out of class:
"Maybe they just want to talk Charlie Brown."
"Could be Linus, but just what does roshambo mean?"
"Don't worry Chuck; if they start anything we'll clobber them!"
"Better gather Schroeder, Lucy, Pigpen, and Marcy, Patty. Snoopy's
meeting us there...."
"OK, here's the plan; Cartman you roshambo the bald kid"
"Yeah he's a buttweasel"
"Shut up fat ass!"
"Don't tell me to shut up Kyle you @%#^+&!!"
"Mmmph hmm mm hmmph mmm"
"Kenny's right, just get ready to get rid of those new
kids. Everyone else is already in position, let's go"
So meet us at the schoolyard for a lesson in the three Rs (rampage, random violence, and ruin )
in a fight that we had to call:
They don't play well with others
This fight was suggested by Alex and Corwyn, among others.
THE SPORTS BOX
BADGER: "Well, here we are in beautiful
South Park , Colorado eagerly awaiting the culmination of this territorial dispute."
JAK: "Beautiful? I hate the cold. Can we
go home now ?"
BADGER: "You should have worn layers.
Anyway this should be one
JAK: "Wait...the little brats, er darlings
are approaching each
BADGER: "Both sides look determined;
before the carnage begins,
lets get some reactions from the large crowd of spectators."
What do you have to say. The Peanuts are children of the 60's and South Park are the psychotic children of the dysfunctional 90's. Nobody Rochambeaus better than Cartman and these kids are also on the side of Gamera, Ultraman and Mothra. South park also has the power of Jesus on their side.
The Peanuts are a smart crew knowledgeable in the psychology of the human mind (no, really!), but only a few of them have the inherent violence in their souls to last eight rounds with the South Park kids. Oh, well, at least, they'll kill Kenny!
The Match Maker writes:
I love the Peanuts gang. That aside they would stomp those foul mouthed little goobers from "South Park" into the ground.
The Peanuts gang are cultural icons!!! They have been going strong for over 50 years now!!! A decade from now no one will remember "South Park". And if the fact that wholesomeness doesn't stand for anything anymore in this country, then the Peanuts gang can bring in the Cat from across the street from Charlie Brown's house. (That cat is a killer!!!) But finally, no "new-age, post-punk, anti-social, group of "Ren and Stimpy" wannabe's can beat anything done by the immortal Charles M. Schulz!!!
Come on! We're talking about 4 psychopathic children(even though one tends to die a lot...) vs. some depressing pansies who ALWAYS lose? South Park all the way!
Wow, this was a tough choice, but I have to go with the Peanuts gang on this one. First of all, Kenny would be killed off in the first 15 seconds - which would cut their forces by 25%. Factor in the evil genius factor of Lucy, and the ingenuity of Snoopy, and this more than offsets the Charlie Brown "Blockhead" factor. The South Park Gang, however, has been known to strike down foes with brutal and indiscriminate violence (cf., zombie episode), but the Peanuts are all renowned athletes(baseball, football), so they should be able to handle their attack; the SP gang, on the other hand, has trouble getting off of the couch. They are also easily distractible, and tend to lose focus once something more interesting comes along. The Peanuts, on the other hand, are devoted to their respective causes (Schroeder - piano, Charlie Brown - Little Red Headed Girl, Linus - blanket, Lucy - evil, Snoopy - fighter pilot career). The Peanuts will win, with few casualties.
Let's be honest, the Peanuts gang may outnumber the Southpark quartet and company, but Southpark culture is the epitome "down & dirty" with that willingness to go the extra mile and sacrifice key players to get the job done.
The only strength the Peanuts gang seems to have are their tough little ladies - Lucy and Pattie. These gals'll lay into the Southpark boys but surviving against the flatulent capabilities of Southpark's key players accompanied with the heavy grown-up players (something the Peanuts gang lacks) with the likes of the CHEF and Mr. Harrison and Kyle's firepower heavy uncle... well the Peanuts gang'll be roasted peanuts.
Oh and one can never forget the ever cool Snoopy. While he lends a serious edge to the Peanuts, Spike will have him squealing for mommy.
I'm voting for the Peanuts crew although I feel that South Park will win because of their current popularity. Why am I voting for Peanuts, simple, experience. The Peanuts have been holding their turf for 30-40 years now. Linus will kick ass with his blanket; Lucy has brutal S&M gig going strong; Patty is butch feminist with 'issues'; Sally will do 'whatever it takes' to defend her man Linus; Chuck he'll be so pissed off from the South Park gang calling him a loser he'll just lose it and go Postal on them; Snoopy will just eat Kenny because Charlie Brown was so nutz in the morning he forgot to feed him.
Break Man Z writes:
You have GOT to be kidding me! The kids of South Park against the Peanuts gang? Well, all I've gotta say is this. How do you like your Peanut butter: creamy or chunky?
The Bunyip writes:
Peanuts?!? h, please. Seriously, what are the Peanuts gonna do? Lucy THINKS she's tough, but Snoopy ALWAYS beats her in those boxing matches, and we all know that Snoopy is gonna get "violated" by gay dog Sparky in Round 3. I really doubt that Cartman is going to fall for the "move the football at the last second" trick. Patty is all talk and no action (and will die quite handily when she f***s with Wendy Testaberger) - so who's left to fight? Schroeder? Puh-lease.
Whoa! No freakin way South Park's little pricks can whoop up on the gang! You know Kenny's gonna die. The fat kid can't do jack, and the rest'll end up pukin and fighting over each other. Charlie Brown is tough player and he knows his game plan when comes down to the nitty gritty! If I was the man with the zigzag on his shirt, I'd probably break out my kite and go to town! Then there's Lucy, hell Lucy could probably take them all on! I want to see her and Patty team up! And Linus, never underestimate the fury of a boy and his blanket of infinite uses. They don't call him "the fastest blanket in the west" for nothin! Call Snoopy in for air support and his wing of bombardiers under the command of 1st Officer Woodstock, along with Pigpen for cover and distractions, and Schroeder playing a little Wagner as he hurls statues of Beethoven, I think this one's gonna be a massacre. South Park's blood shall spill on the new fallen snow. Hell yeah, let's go get some!
Thomas Wilde writes:
Peppermint Patty *alone* would kick the living hell out of the South Park people. The only hope Kyle, Stan, and Cartman have (Kenny, of course, was doomed the moment the fight started) is that Stan's sister Shelly followed them to the playground and decides no one beats up Stan but her. In the meantime, though, Lucy and Patty pack a mean left, Linus is skilled with using his blanket as a bullwhip, and Charlie Brown is just *asking* for something like this so he can finally snap. G'night, 'Park.
Mad Jack writes:
Peanuts = Wholesome
South Park = Depraved and Crazy
Rich Stellato writes:
Snoopy Rules! Just as the South Parkers have almost cleared the battlefield,(leaving Charlie with a wedgie hanging upside down in the tire swing) a shadow falls over all. Kenny looks up and is the first to fall as he gets dive-bombed by the World War 1 Flying Ace in his Sopwith Camel. The rest put up a valiant resistance, but hordes of intelligent yellow missiles (Woodstock and friends) lay waste to the remaining three. Soon, a white flag waves out from under the slide. Charlie Brown's side wins!
you have to be joking!! kenny alone is enough to decimate the entire peanuts gang. okay snoopy might have a chance, but the rest are in a lot of trouble. were talking about the most violent foul mouthed kids ever to walk on tv. BEEFCAKE!! BEEEFCAAAKE!!
Peanuts...all the way!! Snoopy is just unkillable.
The Southpark kids may be violent little bastards AND have the home-turf advantage, when it comes down to it, they're badly outnumbered. To make matters worse for the Southparkians, the Peanut gang is much better animated, and in general, get along better. While the Southpark kids are fruitlessly attempting to raise their arms to hit each other, the Peanut gang'll be pegging 'em with baseballs and siccing their viscous attack dog (Snoopy) at 'em.
Movie Nut writes:
Although Charlie Brown and his gang are clever, funny and cute, the Southpark kids are totally devious, can be ruthless, would most likely devirginize the entire Peanuts group & would kick some serious ass afterward! Southpark Wins!!
Lord Odin writes:
The South Park kids are rude, violent, and overall people you wouldn't mind taking out with your 12 gauge. They are what the Peanut gang would be in the real world. But, Peanuts have Snoopy. Face it, Snoopy is the Batman of the cartoon kids. He could take out both sides by himself. Here's the scenario: the South Park kids totally decimate the Peanuts, and have no problems till they make the fatal mistake of killing Woodstock (Snoopys little bird). Snoopy then gets medieval on South Park for revenge.
There's just no contest...the kids from South Park are so much more vicious than the good old 'G' rated Peanuts. I don't even wanna know that Sparky's gonna do to Snoopy...
The Baroness writes:
Southpark all the way. They are meaner, crasser, more violent. The only ace in the hole the peanuts have is that beagle Snoopy, who could probably kill Kenny, but in the end, Charlie Brown always loses.
I gotta go with Peanuts in this battle. Chuck is useless in this case and will probably end up dead, but the rest of the Peanuts gang is just that, a gang! Lucy is as heartless as they come, the perfect con artist and manipulator. Linus will whip his blanket at Kenny and hang him from the nearest tree, and of course there's the Peanut's secret weapon: SNOOPY! Snoopy battles the Red Baron while flying a doghouse! South Park's kids don't stand a chance. (This isn't taking into account the fact that South Park is outnumbered by the Peanuts gang to begin with;) Peanuts has mob-power going for them.
Achin' Dave writes:
Okay, so maybe the Peanuts kids will get Kenny, but who doesn't? The South Park crew will take Charlie Brown and his friends apart and then go after that Archie mob for good measure.
Even though the kids from South Park will fight dirty their out numbered 3 to 1! Kenny always dies, so it is 3 vs. 9. (Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Snoopy, Woodstock, Sally, Schroeder, Peppermint Paddy, Marcy and Pigpen)
Cartman may have the weight on South Park side, but Linus is trained in the noble martial art of the Blanket and Lucy KNOWS how to fight from years of experience beating up others. Lets not for get Paddy fighting skills and Schroeder's piano: handy for use as a blunt instrument. This battle will be more like Cartman's last Stand than anything else: South Park just does not have the numbers.
Okay, this is how it's gonna go down...Kenny will be absolutely no help cause he'll be killed sooner or later, odds are sooner. The only 2 forces Peanuts have to offer are Lucy and Snoopy. Lucy's a tough bitch, but I think Stan could get Wendy to kick her ass. I mean, look at what happened to that substitute teacher!! And Sparky can go after Snoopy and um...do his thing. Anyhoo, all the South Park kids have to do is borrow a few guns from Uncle Jimbo, and the Peanuts gang will be going home in pieces.
Peanuts would kick the crap out of south park because snoopy would just hop it to his red baron plane and give the South Park Punks a little death from the sky. Further more every episode of south park has someone die yet no one in Peanuts has ever died, so obviously the south park kids are genetically inferior and much easier to kill. And besides the Peanuts gang is like been around forever and beat out tougher opponents then those wimpy South Park losers who can't even beat Middle Park in football.
shultztown usa writes:
I have to admit.. my first reaction to this one was "peanuts? PEANUTS!? what are they gonna do? besides bleed?" but stop and think for a moment. South Park the _show_ is much more violent than peanuts. The kid's certainly have a greater capacity for violence then the peanuts gang. But are stan, kyle, cartmen and kenny really that much tougher than regular kids? stan and kyle are actually very normal kids. cartmen is definitely really pissed off, but you'll notice that all he ever does is threaten people. I've never seen him inflict anything worse than a punch on the arm. kenny is Southpark's wildcard. I don't think we'll ever know the full extent of Kenny's skills, but it's safe to assume that he has the greatest potential as a fighter of the four (provided he doesn't die three minutes into the fight).
But let's look at the competition. most of the peanuts gang is pretty harmless, but when someone in the gang decides to wail on somebody, they go all out. Plus, they have the advantage of number. and if kenny is Southpark's wild card, then snoopy is definitely the peanuts go-to guy. you can never count out snoopy. given all this, and the fact that I'm still really pissed off about that "April fools" episode with terrance and phillip, peanuts wins.
The thing is, there are just more Peanuts than South Parkers. Plus, the Peanuts have a dog. Unless Jesus and Chef help out the South Park kids, they're pretty much doomed. That is not to say, however, that most of the Peanuts will survive. On the contrary, while Charlie Brown and the Gang try to get the South Park kids to sing silent night around and old, skinny, ratty ass Christmas tree, it'll be a blood bath. However, sooner of later, the Peanuts will use their banal, pedantic, pontifical "morality plays" to distract and disturb while Peppermint Patty and lucy (the only Peanuts with any balls) will dish out a whole barrel o' whupass.
Maybe I'm playing favorites but, I'll say the peanuts gang. First, off South park is will have at least one casualty among their ranks, guaranteed. Also the peanuts gang could use that lawn chair that attacked snoopy in the Thanksgiving day special. Linus has got his blanket to use as a weapon. Snoopy got alot of stuff stashed away in his doghouse. South park would under estimate the mean streak in Lucy, she's a force to be reckoned with. Hey, they beat a group of bully's in a boat race already. They've already went up against the likes of destructive little brats before and if you pardon the expression...It would be like "a walk in the park" for The Peanuts.
Nice fight selection, but you've got a bunch of violent fourth graders against charlie brown & co. God... The charlie Brown that can't get anything to work right? the only + for poor ole charlie is that peppermint patty would kick the crap out of any ONE of the south park kids and snoopy could just lure away sparky the gay dog. But otherwise? although the peanuts usually come out on top, so do the south park kids. But in a fight, the south park kids would kick ass because they aren't wholesome family entertainment.
The Five-Assed Monkey writes:
Oh, come on, people! The South Park kids are going to KILL those peanuts. This isn't a fight! Sure, Charlie Brown may have Woodstock on his side, and things will start looking good for them once Kenny dies (for the bazillionth time), but all Stan, Cartman, and the fecophiliac need are some chainsaws to tear Snoopy and friends apart like they tore apart those zombies in that episode
Smiling Jack writes:
Well, I'd like to say the Peanuts Gang would win. But, we ARE talking about the Southpark Gang. These kids have no qualms whatsoever about using their Baby Brothers as clubs, shooting people with hunting rifles, or Dying (sorry Kenny) for that matter. The Peanuts gang is about to be Ground into Peanut Butter.
South Park will win solely because of popularity, but Snoopy will take out Kenny long beforehand. Besides, The three remaining little boys might do something to Linus or Charlie Brown or Schroeder, but what do they think they're gonna do to Peppermint Patty? They'll TRY to fight with her, and get their tiny little asses handed to them. And that's not even mentioning what Lucy will do.
Peanuts would get the first punch by killing Kenny, but in the end, the fat ass Cartman would eat them all as though they were Cheesy Poofs.
Magus T. Fox writes:
No offense to south park fans, but the peanuts gang is a force to be reckoned with. Just look at their line-up!
- Linus-- He's deadly with that blanket
- Lucy--- Who's tougher than lucy?
- Pigpen- He can stink them to death
- Snoopy- What more must be said?
Plus they have advantage in numbers, a horde of birds, and kenny always dies anyways-- he'd probably spontaneously explode before the fight even begins. Cartman is too fat to outmaneuver the others and with only stan and kyle actually able to put up a fight, the peanuts gang would overrun them.
Tel & Eden writes:
the SP kids are bad-ass, and on their own turf. The best thing that could happen to the peanuts is their instant shriveling into little dried balls of flesh as soon as the cross the town line, due to the incredible level of shameless behavior and morals those in South Park entertain. South Park by default.
Patty and Snoopy alone would snuff out those annoyingly stupid South Park kids. Kenny would die first, and his friends would follow. Pigpen would blind them while Snoopy bombed them in his doghouse. No contest, the originals always beat the wannabes!
Oh boy...Ok, One factor needs to be considered, survivalist training. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman have all gone...um..."hunting" with Stan's Uncle Jimbo (Kenny died, so I don't count his training complete). I don't care how butch Peppermint Patty is. Her tom-boy-ish ways mean butkiss when Stan opens up with some UZI-clone poppin' caps in her/his considerable ass. (I STILL think Patty's a guy!). Discount the fact of current popularity. It isn't needed. The South Park kids have dealt with Aliens, Mutant Zombies, Secret Service Agents, and Kathy Lee. The only thing Peanuts has dealt with is the Red Baron from Snoopys deranged imagination. South Park will be the end of those insepid round headed freaks! Wait...they're both round headed... South Park Kinds win...."'Nuff Said"...
no one can outsmart or outfight snoopy and Woodstock. They will emerge triumphantly from this grim battle
The Peanuts Gang, all the way! They've been 'round forever. Southpark hasn't. They've got 40yrs of playground action know-how under their belts. Charlie Brown NEVER stays down. Linus is a master of the blanket-whip. Peppermint Pattie can hold her own with any kid. Marcy's smart and clever, and can use that to coordinate the attack. Schroeder'll slap 'em up the side's of their empty heads with his piano. And Lucy's just PLAIN MEAN! They can have Pigpen go in first and create a dustcloud to blind the SP gang's vision. Peanuts are gonna' rip 'em a new one! And if they can't. . .well. . . Snoopy can always bite the little creeps.
Daki Warrior writes:
OK, this one is a no brainer...the kids of South Park fight EVERY DAY! Stan has had to deal with his older sister day in and day out, Kyle is WAY tougher than Linus, Cartman can fart flames on any of the Peanut kids and intimidate them with his Beefcake-ness, and Kenny CANNOT BE KILLED! Chuck and the gang could impale him on a metal rob during a lightning storm and pour battery acid in his eye sockets and a new Kenny would walk onto the playground.
And let's not even bring up Snoopy. Yeah Snoopy can fly his doghouse in WWI air battles, but this is the 90's and Snoopy is just not ready for the likes of Sparky. Sparky may not kick Snoopy's ass, but he would definitely being doing SOMETHING to his ass. South Park wins in a landslide and then go out for Cheezy Poofs.
Although South Park have the mouth, they lack the vital hardware to take out the Peanut gang... Snoopy is the key to victory because he's got what it takes in is dog house to take out practically anything, even 4 dumb asses with brains the size of a grain of sand.
lord C writes:
to close to call???
JAK: "They're starting to yell at each
other! Here we go !"
BADGER: "Cartman just kicked Charlie Brown
in the groin. Chuck
hits the turf hard. Peppermint Patty lunges at Cartman."
JAK: "Wow, Patty got some good hang time
before the collision.
Ouch!! Lucy didn't waste any time either, she just hauled off and
sucker punched Stan with a
vicious uppercut. That had to hurt!"
BADGER: "That sure got Wendy Testaberger
fuming, she's grabbing
Lucy's head. She swings her into the monkeybars by her hair! Lucy is
dazed. That'll teach her
to screw with Wendy Testaberger."
JAK: "Uh oh, it looks like Wendy is going
in for the kill, but
wait! Linus has come to the aid of his big sister and blindsided Wendy
with a lethal snap
of his trusty blanket. Wow that shot sent her head clear across the
BADGER: "And I thought Kenny would be the
first to go. It looks
like someone is hiding under the slide, I wonder who it...Whoa! Snoopy
just buzzed the broadcast booth in his flying doghouse!!! This doesn't
bode well for the home team."
JAK: "The Peanuts all dive for cover! This
was planned! He's
strafing the schoolyard!! Mr. Garrison has thrown himself in front of
most of his students,
but he wasn't able to save Pip, no big loss. Kenny's trapped in the
open! Snoopy's bearing
down on him, and unleashes an unrelenting spray of machinegun fire;
Kenny's been reduced to
BADGER: "Oh my God, he killed Kenny. That
bastard! Yow! A
missile just took out the doghouse!"
JAK: "It's Uncle Jimbo! Ooof...the
wreckage just landed on top
him and Ned. Look someone's crawling out of the flaming mess..."
BADGER: "It's Snoopy! That's one tough
little beagle. But
Stan's dog Sparky attacks him and.......uhhhh, that's got to hurt. But
snoopy manages to
throw him into the fire as he goes yelping for the hills."
JAK: "Patty is still pummeling Cartman
Cartman is responding by squealing like a stuck pig. Stan is bouncing
Charlie Brown's face
off the pavement ! Blood is gushing everywhere! Linus seems to be
talking to Stan's sister
Shelly. Oh no, he's staring at her headgear; no good can come of this."
BADGER: "Whoa.... she's grabbed him by the
ankles and is using him to bludgeon poor Pigpen."
JAK: "Dust is clouding everything. There
the guy under the slide is making his move. It's Mephisto, the crazy
genetic engineer! He's stuffed Woodstock in a sack and is running away
BADGER: "Kyle is approaching Shroeder who's
playing some mood music on his piano; Kyle has his baby brother Ike with
him... he's using Ike to smash the piano!! Shroeder begins to scream and
foam at the mouth!! What a shocking development!"
JAK: "Shroeder is running amok! South Park
has never seen this level of pure destructive power."
BADGER: "Except for maybe Mecha-Streisand."
JAK: "Chef is rallying the South Park
troops for a final stand."
BADGER: "The carnage is incredible!!
They're gonna have to change the population sign after this!"
JAK: "If anyones left at all!"
BADGER: "Coming over the hill.. what is
JAK: " It appears to be a giant four-assed
Woodstock! It looks angry! It's heading for the Peanuts!
BADGER: " I can't look!"
THE FINAL VOTE
South Park: 308
THE WRAP UP
BADGER: "Well South Park has Triumphed, not
a Peanut left standing. But it will take the locals a long time to
recover from this decimation."
JAK: "We're going home now, right? I'm
Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:
DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:
South Park (TM) is the property (c) of Comedy Central
Peanuts (TM) is the property (c) of United Feature Syndicate
This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.
Thanks to Ryan Nolan for the heads up on these copywrites.