So when Electric Ferret proper went under some of us migrated to a forum called Magnetic Fox. We attempted to do CBUB things in a more basic fourm-y format. And, for some reason, I wrote my own version of the Suicide Squad over there. It lasted a year and nearly 25 installments. It was 2016, SS was a big deal.
My iteration of the gang included such villains as The Grinch, Android 18, and Scrooge McDuck for some reason at various points in its existence. But I don’t want to talk about those guys. I want to talk about these guys:
The ones that were left alive back in the last chapter were Kuma the Bear, Rick and Morty, Blackfire, Katz from Courage the Cowardly Dog Show, Shego, Goldar, and some Ace Trainer from Pokémon.
By the end of the run, that group of Suicide Squaders were sucked into the realm of darkness and fought Heartless with Aqua of Kingdom Hearts.
...I didn’t say all of it was good, I said I did it for a long time. I miss writing that. And since it was THE longest thing I ever wrote, it’s time for a soft reboot:
It was the Realm of Darkness. A abyssal nonsense world comprised of nothing but cold feelings and optical illusion sky spaces. This is where the Keyblade Master Aqua was fighting the latest wave of Heartless attempting to pull her further into the darkness. But this battle was different. There were other real people fighting beside her. Which was equal parts reassuring and confounding. She was now aided in battle by a bear, a woman with glowing green fists, and blue monstrosity in golden armor, among others. Some didn’t last as long as others.
The bipedal cat with a scowl and a racket ball was eventually overtaken by a mob of Soldier Heartless and converted into on of their dark ranks. The same with the girl who commanded the plants in the battle. Her heart was soon captured and so were the grassy creatures she controlled. The old man and his yellow shirted sidekick soon saw their companions fall and were able to generate a hole in time and space and flee the battle field. The flying girl around and firing black energy saw the hole appear and zipped through after them, jus as it was closing.
That left only Aqua, the grizzly bear performing martial arts, the equally skilled hand to hand fighter clad in acid green, and the barbaric shining knight swinging its great sword fending the shadowy creatures with her.
“I liked it better when I was the one unleashing minions on my enemies,” Goldar said to himself in his grunty voice, wishing he had access to the Putty Patrol.
Shego heard him while rapidly slashing out at the yellow eyes demons, “As one of those minions, thank you for taking time out of your day to do some dirty work.”
If you didn’t read the original series, Shego has a MASSIVE crush on Goldar cause she has a thing for blue guys. So this was said in a hypery flirty way that made Goldar blush. But since he was blue, the red rushing to his face made his cheeks kinda purple.
Kuma was an oblivious bear. He didn’t notice the sexual tension between the people he was fighting with. He was thinking about his lady love, Panda, while facing the onslaught. He assumed he was gonna die and wanted to see her one last time. He thought about how he was gonna die before he could making Heihachi proud of him. Then he thought about Paul Phoenix and how he wanted to smack him in the face one last time. So many things left undone, unsaid.
The four eventually jus couldn’t fend off the hoard anymore. The balls of darkness and the pitch black crickets were too much for everyone and drowned the four in a pool of black. The last image of our heroes was Shego’s illuminated hand sticking out of the wave of dark sludge consuming them. It rose and eventually snuffed out her neon beams.
And that’s the last thing that happened for a while.
~ Four Years Later ~
Shego opened her eyes. She was floating in a tube, immersed in a pale purple gel. She wasn’t wearing her standard jumpsuit. She was in something akin to one piece swimwear. Which meant...Someone had changed her clothes without her consent. She was livid, not remembering that her last memory was being swallowed by personified darkness. She tried to bring the radioactive energy to her hand but was unable to. She did not let this lapse in power stop her from breaking out.
The things occurring now happened in half speed due the viscosity of whatever liquid was encasing her. She ripped the oxygen mask covering her mouth and nose. She brought up both her knees to her chest and drop kicked the glass in front of her. It shattered in one attempt. The lavender solution pouring out of the broken cylinder like curdled milk.
Now freed. Shego looked for her clothes.
Elsewhere, Goldar was on a stainless steel slab. His armor was also removed without his consent. The table was cold on his back, thick leather straps held his wrists and ankles and base of his wings down. This left Goldy on the table with cartoonishly comic boxer shorts with little yellow lightening bolts on them. He had been awake for sometime, but was unable to break free. “What the-“ he growled when he first awoke. And there had been a couple of hours of him struggling before Shego walked in.
Both had been apart of the same reluctant team for a long time. This is the...most of each other they’ve ever seen. Both were embarrassed in an old fashion, wholesome way.
She drew the nuclear energy to her hand, and slashed at the bands binding him to the table. “Good to see you, especially considering, ya know, we should be dead.”
Goldar rubbed his sore wrist and rotated his wings to stretch. “Don’t’cha think it’s real weird how we always survive these things? Someone somewhere must like us.”
Shego almost said something uncharacteristically corny about how at least she liked him, but was interrupted but a whimpering in a cage behind her.
She turned around to see the pathetic puss of that karate chopping bear in a cage about three times too small for him. “Oh goody, Smokey the Bear survived too.”
Her hand was still lit up from a moment ago, and she lashed out on the cage’s lock, and the grated door swung open. It took the combined might of Goldar and Shego, each pulling on a separate front arm, to yank the chubby cubby out of its kennel. With one final yank; the bear rolled out across the lab, knocking over some tables and crashing into the opposite wall. The knocked over pans sending scalpels and needles into the air and crashing down onto the tile floor.
He felt a cooling breeeze around his neck and covered it embarrassed. He had also had his single article of clothing, a red bandanna, removed with out his consent. And he needed it back.
Now the three were out...now what.
So something you need to understand: there are multiple realities, realms, and universes in this little thing we call reality. The Realm of Darkness touches all of them. The darkness stretches and gets its mitts on everything. That kind of intrusion stretches and creates pathways into all existing worlds. And doors work both ways.
Darkness reaches all worlds. Even a world where the a giant meteor never struck the earth and never killed the dinosaurs. So naturally they evolved into the dominant species instead of apes. In fact, monkeys weren’t even second competition for apex species with them. The second was mushroom people for some reason.
So yeh, something went wrong when these three were attempting to get their hearts ripped out. And yadda, yadda, yadda, now they were locked in the bowels of King Koopa’s Skyscraper. The finely dressed King Koopa, donned in a black pin-stripe suit with gray lines and a tie with big knot that was colored to look like TV static. His shoes were oily black, they kept their sheen due to his constant maintenance of them. The reason he was cleaning it now, was because some pterodactyl tail fell off of his slice of pizza fell and landed directly on his foot.
So being the obvious neat freak that he was, he bent over and began aggressively polishing the greasy cheese and lizard sauce off his Jurassico Armani shoe.
He was trying to maintain his composure so he didn’t transmutate into a tyrannical form.
As soon as the mess was adequately mopped by his previously pristine hanky. He gestured for one of his lumbering goomba’s to sway over to him. “Lenny, could you come over here,” his voice kinda sounded like Dr. Evil. The goomba’s always took a long time to walk anywhere, but this one was dreading the consequences so shambled even slower to prolong the amount of time between now and his punishment.
Once finally to his master, King Koopa grabbed the poor goomba by his lower jaw and yanked the creature down by jus his lower mandible.
They were now eye level.
“You did a pretty piss poor job of making my supper, Lenny,” the Goomba couldn’t speak with a hand in his mouth so he wasn’t able to communicate that he wasn’t Lenny, he was Buster. “It came out TOO HOT!” He flicked his burnt, forked tongue at the minion. He then shoved the spiled hanky down Buster’s throat. And I won’t outline all the details to this, but like a sea turtle swallowing a plastic bag, the goomba didn’t make it.
It was around that time the alarm started going off. “Hu-uh?” King Koopa squinted at the fuzzy moiniors that surveyed his whole palace. Some of those things they found in the desert a couple years ago woke up and were running about. He gave a slick smile.
His guess was that these monkeys were from the same place Princess Daisy was sent to. And if they found a way here, he could find a way there.
“Ludwig, Chowder,” he snapped his fingers to get their attention, “bring those monkeys to me, they’re gonna tell me what I wanna know. Bring some Dry Bones with you, jus in case.”
Hagar the Goomba and Sampson the Goomba looked at each other. And nodded. How hard was it to tell all these Goomba’s apart?
So, uh, yeh, that’s the set up. The remnants of my old SKWD team are alive and well and need to work their way up the building, right goons, find their weapons and armor, and if they make it far enough will have a showdown with the Dennis Hopper King Koopa, who does have the ability to turn into a monstrous t-red form, if so inclined. So thank you for reading, I wish I could make these more often, and stay crazy East-sisters.
If you have any interest in reading what lead to this point thus far, lemme know below and I’ll provide links.
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