Match 10317 Hit Girl and Battle Girl vs. Dracula (Castlevania) and Vampire

[Guest callisto]

LEGENDS OF HIT GIRLHIT GIRL FIGHTS DRACULAA lone figures walks around Citiesville cementery at midnight. The sinister albino passes tombs marked "ALEX WALKER", "ANDY WALKER" and "LUCHO RODRIGUEZ" before stopping at the one that reads "MATHIA CRONQVIST"."Yes! Finally, the treasure of Count Cronqvist will finally be mine!" says Tombstone, almost jumping in joy.Tombstone grabs the shovel he brought and begins digging up all the Earth. When he finally reaches the coffin, he smashes it open, only to find nothing but the withered corpse of Mathias Cronqvist."NO, NO, NO! This isn't happening! This is not possible! Mathias Cronqvist was supposed to be buried with all of his gems and rubies! That tip was supposed to be soild! I broke several backs to get that information!" says Tombstone in angerTombstone looks at his right thumb to find it bleeding, having cut himself when he punched open the coffin."Great, the night just keeps getting better and better." says TombstoneBlood falls from Tombstone's thumb to Cronqvist's heart. Thus, Mathias Conqvist, better known as Count Dracula, king of all vampires, emerges from the grave once again."What the *vulgarity*!?" says Tombstone, shocked"Well, well, what do we have here? Althought your skin is pale, I can heart your heart beat. You are not one of my kind yet. But that, of course, can be fixed." says Dracula"Stay away from me, man!" says Tombstone as he grabs his shovel.Tombstone smashes the shovel in Dracula's body, but Dracula just stands there, unflinching."That level of strength is unusual for a human, althought I've seen stronger beings in my time. I don't think I'll kill you. Instead, you will become a powerful addition to my army." says Dracula"Your army? What are you talking about?" says Tombstone"What is your name, man whose skin is as white as snow?" says Dracula"Tombstone...it's Tombstone...""How appropiate." says Dracula as he bares his fangs"Holy shit! What are you, some kind of Dracula freak?" says Tombstone"Actually, that's exactly what I am." says Dracula Dracula sucks Tombstone's blood, turning him into a vampire...-----The following morning, Mindy MacReady is having lunch with Patrick Harker"Look, Mindy, we've been dating for three months now, and it's been nice and I love and all, but..." says Patrick"But what?" says Mindy"I feel like you are pushing me away. During the day, you are always attentive, you are always there for me. But at night, you go away without notice for long periods of time, and then you refuse to tell me what you've been doing. I ask you why you moved to Citiesville, and you always dodge that question. And I ask you how you met your roommate, Angel, and you always dodge that question, too. And don't get me wrong, Angel is a really nice girl, but when I ask her about this stuff, she's also kind of dismissive. I feel like you live a double life, that you have this big secret that you don't want to tell me. I know it's been hard for you ever since your mother got killed by a gangster, but I'm still afraid that you are doing someghing you'll regret." says Patrick"Patrick, do you trust me?" says Mindy"Yes, of course I trust you, sweetheart." says Patrick"Then, you won't push the subject any further. We all have our secrets, and my secret is a dangerous one. It's the kind of secret that, if exposed, can bring harm to the people I love. And I love you, Patrick, and I don't want to lose you." says Mindy"OK, I respect that. Still, know that, when you are ready to tell me your secret, I'll be there for you and I'll understand you." says PatrickMindy mumbles under her breath "I don't think you'll ever be ready..."----Three weeks later, Hit Girl and Battle Girl are perched on the rooftop of a building, searching for criminals."It's kind of strange, don't you think?" says Battle Girl"What's strange?" says Hit Girl"We haven't seen action for days now. There are no signs of the Goldenlords, the Hammer-Axes, the Splatterpunks or the Baseball Furies in their usual turfs. Almost as if they vanished off the Earth. Yet, there are several reports of people missing, and the police have no leads on that case." says Battle Girl"You know as well as I do that the Citiesville police is incompetent. That's why this city needs us. They couldn't find their asses with written instructions and a map, let alone a large group of people." says Hit Girl"All I'm saying is: how is possible that crimes are still being committed, yet we see no criminals on our patrols?" says Battle Girl"You don't know what happened to those people. It's not certain wether crimes have actually been commited." says Hit Girl"Ten people dissapear over the course of three weeks, and you don't think criminal activity is involved?" says Battle GirlJust then, they spot a Goldenlord chasing after a young readhead woman."Time for action!" says Battle GirlHit Girl and Battle Girl jump down and puts themselves between the Goldenlord and his intended victim."Not this time, creep! I don't know if you either wanted to *insensitivity* or mug that poor woman, but we are sending you to jail!" says Hit Girl"Aren't the Goldenlords supposed to be an African American gang? This guy looks...pale." says Battle Girl"Who cares? Maybe he stayed out of the sun for too long." says Hit Girl"Is that...blood on his mouth?" says Battle Girl"If you are gonna keep talking instead of fighting, then I'll take care of this myself!" says Hit GirlHit Girl runs towards the Goldenlord and gives him a kick in the head, a punch in the stomach and a punch in the chest. However, the Goldenlord just stands there, unfazed and unhurt by Hit Girl's attack."What the...? I hit you as hard as I could!" says Hit GirlThe Goldenlord punches Hit Girl, sending her flying backwards towards some trash cans."The hell is going on? The Goldenlords aren't supposed to be THAT strong!" says Hit GirlAs if to answer Hit Girl's questions, the vampire Goldenlord bares his fangs"Am...am I tripping balls here?" says Hit GirlBattle Girl runs towards the Goldenlord, and they start fighting. To Hit Girl's surprise, the Gondelord matches Battle Girl blow-by-blow (Battle Girl has superhuman strength, in case yuou don't know). The Fight goes on for a while, until Hit girl, not thinking straight, throws a slice of leftover pizza that got stuck in her uniform at the Goldenlord's face. The Goldenlord tears off the slice of pizza from his face as fast as he can, shrieks in pain, and runs away."What the hell just happened?" says Hit Girl"I think you and I know very well what happened." says Battle Girl"What do you mean?""Let's recap, shall we? That Goldenlord had unnaturally pale skin. He had sharp fangs. He had blood on his mouth. He had superhuman strength. And that pizza you threw at him? I caught a glimpse at the box. It was Peter Pirate's Spicy Garlic Pizza." says Battle Girl"Oh no, you don't mean...""Yes, that Goldenlord was a vampire." says Battle Girl"Don't be ridiculous! There are no such things as vampires!" says Hit GirlSuddenly, a voice behind them says "Oh, but I beg to disagree on that..."Hit Girl and Battle Girl turn to see Dracula face-to-face."And who the hell are you supposed to be?" says Hit Girl"Of course, how rude of me. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Count Dracula Vlad Tepes.""Really? Dracula is a fictional literary character. He's not real." says Hit Girl"Is that so? Why do you deny what your very eyes have witnessed this night? Could the events that have transpired truly have a logical explanation? What your team, your Venturers, aren't most of them beyond the comprehension of mortal men? What about her (pointing at Battle Girl), is she not above human stanards as well?" says Dracula"I can't argue with that." says Hit Girl"You are responsable for what happened this last weeks, haven't you?" says Battle Girl"Indeed I have! I have been adding new members to my vampire army, both the criminals you fight and the innocents you protect. But soon, the greatest addition to my army will be complete!" says Dracula"What do you mean?" says Hit Girl"I have a plan, a truly excellent plan, the gears of which are already in motion." says Dracula"Then, why are you telling us this?" says Battle Girl"Because you won't live long enough to save this city! I will tear out your hearts and feed on them! I have no place for you on my vampire army, so I will enjoy seeing life escaping from you!" says Dracula as he vanishes"This was one really weird night..." says Hit Girl------The next night..."So, how are we gonna fight the vampires, if, you know..." says Hit Girl"With this." says Hit Girl as she shows Battle Girl a wooden stake that is bigger than usual."How is that..." says Battle Girl"I got this from a guy I know, a magician called Peter Vincent. It's a wooden stake blessed by the Archangel Michael himself. It used to belong to someone called Trevor Belmont. Once we drive this stake in Dracula's heart, all the people he turned into vampire will go back to being humans." says Hit Girl"And how are we gonna find Dracula?" says Battle GirlHit Girl looks at her computer. "I think I just found the answer to that question." says Hit Girl"A break-in at a bank? How is that gonna help us?" says Battle Girl"It's a blood bank." says Hit Girl.-------Hit Girl and Battle Girl arrive at the blood bank in the hospital to find Tombstone snacking on several bags of blood."Tombstone! I'd say you look pale, but that's par for the course for you." says Hit Girl"Hit Girl! How nice to see you here! I will enjoy feasting on your blood!" says Tombstone"Not if I can help it, creep!" says Battle Girl as she charges Tombstone.Tombstone and Battle Girl begin to fight, Tombstone once again matching Battle Girl blow-by-blow. Suddenly, Hit Girl throws a grenade at them, and the grenade starts to cover the entire room with a strange gas."A smoke bomb? You can't hide from me with your tricks, Hit Girl, not as long as I can smell you!" says Tombstone"It's not a smoke bomb. It's a garlic gas bomb." says Hit GirlTombstone starts to scream in pain, and Hit Girl takes the opportunity to give the weakened Tombstone a flying kick to the head, knocking him out.------------The following morning, Tombstone is chained in a cage in Hit Girl's apartment."LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE!" says Tombstone"No more games! Where is Dracula hiding?" says Hit Girl"I'll never tell you, bitch!" says TombstoneBattle Girl opens the blinders in the window in the room, letting the shun shine in."AAAAAAAARGH! OK, OK, I'll talk!" says TombstoneBattle Girl closes the blinders"He's hiding in Citiesville Cementery!" says Tombstone"I should have known." says Hit Girl"Dracula said something about a master plan, a new addition to his army. What is his master plan?" says Battle Girl"I don't know what you are talking about!" says TombstoneBattle Girl opens the blinders again."AAAAAAARGH! I'll talk, just stop doing that!" says TombstoneBattle Girl closes the blinders."Dracula had several brides back in the old days. One of them was Mina Harker. Dracula wants to bring her back from the grave so they can rule this city together." says Tombstone"And how is he planning to do that?" says Hit Girl"He is gonna suck out the soul of the last known Harker descendant, and then put the heart of the Harker descendant in Mina's body." says Tombstone"Wait a minute...Harker..." says Hit GirlHit Girl realized that she hasn't heard from Patrick in the last few days..."Oh my God, Patrick!" says Hit Girl"So, do we go in now, take advantage of the sunlight?" says Battle Girl"That would be cheating. We operate at night, no exceptions. I don't care if that gives Dracula an advantage, we don't change how we do things just because of a vampire attack." says Hit Girl"I don't agree with that, but you are the boss." says Battle Girl----That night, Hit Girl and Battle Girl enter a crypt in Citiesville Cementery to find a subterranean cave underneath it. As they enter the cave, they find Patrick tied to an altar, and Dracula looming menacingly in front of him. Little do they know that they are being watched...So, it's-Hit Girland -Battle GirlVS-Draculaand-25 vampires, 10 of them are civilian, the rest are gang members.In adittion to the Blessed Stake, Hit Girl and Battle Girl each have a super soaker, vials of holy water, vials of garlic juice, garlic bombs, silver crosses, UV flashlights and regular stakes.So, who wins this?

[Dark Spider-man]

Good setup! I have to go with ah....Hit Girl won't give a crap, she'll kill the 10 civilians if she has to, to save the rest of the city. As for the 25 vamps Battle Girl can handle them along with Hit Girl who is up and ready for this, but once they get to Dracula the weakest link it gonna be Hit Girl cause she's human, Dracula can take her out and then handle Battle Girl.

 

But then again I don't the feats of Battle Girl. So I have to wait for others to debate also.