Match 11498 Sakuya Izayoi and Akiha Tohno vs. The Spanish Inquisition

[Guest Redemption X]

One day, at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Sakuya Izayoi approaches Akiha Tohno, who is sitting quietly in a corner.

 

"Yes? Can I help you, Sakuya?" says Akiha

 

"I just wanted to talk with you." says Sakuya

 

"We don't pay you to talk." says Akiha

 

"True, but I'm more than just a maid, you know. I'm part of this family, part of this nakama. I'm your friend, just like the rest of the Touhous." says Sakuya

 

Akiha sighs

 

"What do you want to talk about?" says Akiha

 

"About what happened to you. The reason why you are here, with us, the reason why Shiki and Satsuki are after you." says Sakuya

 

"What about it?" says Akiha

 

"Well, you pretty much never talk about it. You act like it never happened, unless Shiki or Stasuki come looking for you. I figure it's because you think no one here can understand what happened to you." says Sakuya

 

"Oh, and you can?" says Akiha

 

"I understand it better than you think." says Sakuya

 

"How? How could you possibly understand what I went throught?" says Akiha

 

"You don't know, right? Of course, you never bothered to ask..." says Sakuya

 

"Know what?" says Akiha

 

"Three years ago, I came to Patchouli's room to serve her tea. Patchouli was trying a new spell that she found in an ancient book in her library. She was supposed to try the spell on a demon that..um...'volunteered' for the job, but she accidentally casted the spell on me, and I grew to giant size against my will. i was as tall as a mountain, I didn't fit into the Scarlet Devil Mansion anymore! It was one of the most harrowing and unpleasant experiences of my life." says Sakuya

 

"And then what happened?" says Akiha

 

"All of the Touhous put all of their efforts into curing me. They tried different spells, different books, magic mushrooms, they consulted with the High Witch. But alas, despite their best efforts, they couldn't find a cure. Luckily, Yukari showed up and used her vast reality-warping powers to cure me.

 

So, I know what you've been throught better than most other people here." says Sakuya

 

"No, you don't!" says Akiha

 

"What do you mean?" says Sakuya

 

"Your situation was completely different! When you grew to giant size against your will, it was an accident! And when it happened, all of your friends combined their efforts into finding a cure! And in the end, one of your friends did end up curing you! Me? I was used as Kohaku's guinea pig for his experiments! And when that happened, did Shiki try to help me? Did Satsuki? No! Instead, they started mocking me, making fun of me, and then running away from me! They did nothing to help me! Nothing! Shiki actually started fighting me! He looked up my skirt!

 

And nobody ended up curing me! The effects of Kokahu's formula simply wore off after awhile! It they hadn't, I would still be giant-sized!

 

You can't possibly know how I felt!" says Akiha

 

"Ok, so our situations were different, but I can still emphatize with you. After all, I too know what it's like to be meek and gentle, only for other people to think you are aggressive." says Sakuya

 

"Why? Because people like to draw you throwing knives? That's nothing compared to what people think of me! People think I'm some sort of freak, a monster, just because I have demonic blood in my body! When my hair changes from red to black, people start panicking! They become scared of me, just because I become more logical and rational! Does that maky any sense to you? To have people being scared of you being logical and rational? Has anyone treated you like a monster or a freak? Of course not, you always lived in this huge mansion surrounded by your loving friends, your friend who always supported you in your time of need. Do you think anyone supported me in my time of need? Why the hell do you think I came here, huh? Why do you think I try to be close to Marisa and Patchouli and Suika and Reimu and Nitori? Just who do you think you are, coming here to talk about my problems like you know a damn about how I felt? And since when did you go from being a maidf to being Doctor Phil?" says Akiha

 

"Sheesh, Akiha, I was just trying to help you! I was just trying to help you deal with those issues to you could get rid of them and they wouldn't flare up later! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!" says Sakuya

 

At that moment, three men wearing red cardinal robes burst into the room.

 

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" says the first cardinal

 

"Aaw, now what?" says Akiha

 

"How did you guys enter the Scarlet Devil Mansion without anyone noticing?" says Sakuya

 

"Our primary weapons include ruthless eficiency, the element of suprise, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red outfits!" says the second cardinal

 

"What the hell is going on?" says Akiha

 

"No idea." says Sakuya

 

"Enough! Bring on...the soft cushions!" says the third cardinal

 

The three cardinal start whacking Sakuya and Akiha with cushions as they yell "CONFESS! CONFESS!"

 

"Stop that!" says Sakuya

 

"Get away from me, you crazy bastards!" says Akiha

 

"Bring on...the comfy chair!" says the first cardinal

 

And thus, the cardinals force Sakuya to shit on a random chair.

 

"This is gonna be a long day..." says Sakuya

 

So, can Akiha and Sakuya get rid of the Spanish Inquisition?

[Callisto]

Learn More About

Sakuya Izayoi

Read more about Sakuya Izayoi at Wikipedia

Official Site: Zun Links: Wikipedia Touhou Project Wikipedia MyAnimeList

 

Akiha Tohno

Read more about Akiha Tohno at Wikipedia

Official Site: TYPE MOON Links: Wikipedia TYPE MOON wiki animelist.net

 

The Spanish Inquisition

Read more about The Spanish Inquisition at Wikipedia

Official Site: Monty Python Links: The Inquisition's Wiki Article TV.com Spanish Inquisition in Action

 

 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

USER RATINGS

F

SCORE

Akiha Tohno and Sakuya Izayoi: 8

The Spanish Inquisition: 7

FPA: 0.5