Match 11958 Hit Girl vs. Big Daddy

[Guest Redemption X]

Yeah, you know what? destroying Universe Beta is the best idea I ever had.

 

I don't feel comfortable doing it in Deviantart, and doing it here always leads to trouble and confusion.

 

I'm better off staying away from Universe Beta.

 

I just waqnted to do it for the June Challenge. Now that I did, you won't be hearing from Universe Beta again.

[Peypeypeypey]

I wish people would actually read this before yelling at me for following Universe Beta canon.

 

Hit Girl is NOT supposed to kill. That's the main difference between Hit Girl of Universe Beta and the one from the regular universe. Do you really think he would be able to work as second-in-command of the Venturers (a team comprised of heroes who never killed in their respective source material), or have Battle Girl (who, again, never killed in the "Savage Dragon" comics), or even be trusted and loved by the people of Citiesville, if she killed?

 

If Hit Girl ever killed, Universe Beta would crumble apart.

 

So, again, before you question anything else about Universe Beta: READ WHAT I WROTE.

 

Also, I had to put up with ten thousand fights about those "UWT" guys being buddy-buddy in your UWT matches (including that recurring love story between Starkiller and Vin Venture), despite those characters being from wildly different universes. So, yelling at me for Universe Beta is the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black.

 

I'm not trying to start a fight or anything, but I meant more than just the fact that she didn't kill. She didn't act like herself. The way she talked weren't just things she wouldn't say, they weren't said the way she would say them. It's not that she wouldn't kill, it's that she and Big Daddy were acting like completely different people.

 

I brought this over here because I thought it'd make more sense here rather than there

[Guest skadoosh]

Let's not make this too personal, guys.

[Guest Lunacyde]

Let's not make this too personal, guys.

 

I apologize if it seems personal, but I didn't mean it to be. Just commenting on the characterization in general, didn't mean it as an attack on Red X.

 

My first short comment was probably uncalled for and I'm sorry, but I think the others had valid points and refrained from being insulting.

 

I think this is a topic we should have a conversation on though for clarity.

[Guest Redemption X]

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

 

*points at avatar*

 

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

 

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

 

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

 

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.

[RakaiThwei]

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

 

She used profanity in the comics as well.

 

-Rakai'Thwei

[Peypeypeypey]

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

 

*points at avatar*

 

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

 

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

 

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

 

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.

 

You're right. There's no reason, in this fanfiction written about the character Hit Girl from the movie, that you have to have her swear or act at all like she does in the movie. That's fine. Do whatever you want. I grade mostly on how much you write them in character, and how well it's written overall, so my grade will be heavily influenced if you decide to do so.

 

And no, I'm not referring to the amount she swears. I'm referring to the things that she says and the way she says them. Even in this scenario, and even if she didn't swear, she wouldn't act like this. But y'know what? I'm willing to accept that she's an eleven-year-old girl and in emotionally unstable. I guess it's possible for her personality to completely change because of that. Why not?

 

That doesn't excuse Big Daddy. The way he talks, and the things he says, are nothing like he talks in the movie, nor do they fit with his personality. And no, I'm not defending Nicolas Cage's acting, I'm supporting the writing behind it. And even you amazing "I don't swear" argument fails horribly here because he doesn't swear.

 

I don't care how you write, but I will criticize you for it, or, at the very least, grade it.

 

P.S. Who's the guy in your avatar?

[RakaiThwei]

P.S. Who's the guy in your avatar?

 

I believe that is Linkara from Atop the Fourth Wall.

 

-Rakai'Thwei

[Guest Lunacyde]

If it's the fact that she didn't swear with every line she spoke...

 

*points at avatar*

 

There's a reason I chose him: we have a lot of things in common. One of those things is our aversion to swearing. I, like Linkara, am not used to swear very often (and I'm especially not used to swear when I'm not angry), thus I don't usually write my characters swearing ever ten seconds. It just doesn't come out naturally to me, and if I did it, it would feel forced. I prefer swearing to come out naturally, to be something that flows organically within the story and that emphasizes or punctuates a certain phrase or mood.

 

I have no reason to have Hit Girl swearing other than "Hit Girl swore a lot in the movie". As such, I would end up inserting swear words where they don't belong, making her whole dialogue feel forced. To me, she would end sounding less like Hit Girl and more like Douchey McNitpick or the Angry Video Game Nerd.

 

Hit Girl is a superheroine, not a Tourrette's Syndrome sufferer. I don't see how not swearing detracts from her character.

 

Bottom line: if Linkara can read Christabella's dialogue without swearing, I should be able to write Hit Girl's dialogue without swearing. That makes the times when she DOES swear all the more important and poignant.

For me it's not about swearing, it's about the fact that Hit-Girl has a particular attitude and personality. What I see in your dialogue sounds more like Aunt May than Hit-Girl. You could write Hit-Girl without swearing and still convey that attitude in my opinion. Like I said it seems you just white-washed Hit-Girls personality and inserted your own personality, and at that point how much is she really Hit-Girl?

[Guest skadoosh]

I apologize if it seems personal, but I didn't mean it to be. Just commenting on the characterization in general, didn't mean it as an attack on Red X.

 

I think this is a topic we should have a conversation on though for clarity.

 

No need to apologize to me, that wasn't directed at you, i just don't wanna see people arguing too harshly on the internet, let alone in a community as generally nice as that of the CBUB. And you're right, this does need talking about for clarification.

 

Hit-Girl has a particular attitude and personality... You could write Hit-Girl without swearing and still convey that attitude

 

I agree with this, completely. You can write characters as they actually are without using every obvious aspect of them, in this case, you can write Hit Girl without having her swear.

[Guest bigballerju]

It just seems to me too convenient and not compelling enough to just say she saw this woman and BAM she just changed. And even if this was the case, she still would talk in relatively the same manner. If you listen to the dialogue in your head you should be able to picture the character saying that , and honestly I couldn't here. It just didn't seem like a realistic handling of the situation.

 

Agreed though that a D may be too harsh, but really its all the reviewers opinion.

 

Exactly all I ws saying was that a D was too harsh.

[Peypeypeypey]

Exactly all I ws saying was that a D was too harsh.

It wasn't in character at all, the dialog was lifeless and boring, the writing itself was undescriptive and bland, and it had several plot holes. So, I gave it a D

[Guest Lunacyde]

Grades are completely personal so it's completely fine that one person would give a D, while someone else thinks it's too harsh. people have different ways of grading, and we need to give each other a little discretion when dealing with opinions on a story.

[Guest bigballerju]

Okay true fair enough.

[Guest force_echo]

I agree with Lunacyde-- there's a difference between character progression to become a different character and just spontaneously altering the character's personality. The first one is fine by me, and actually to be supported. The second ruins the story for me.

[Guest Redemption X]

OK, so the fact that she takes an oath not to kill isn't a problem, and the fact that she doesn't swear isn't the problem, what IS the problem here?

 

Because I really have no idea on what do you think is the "proper" way of writing Hit Girl.

 

Because she's too nice? You gotta take context and track record into amount. You are judging my writing of Hit Girl on this match alone, as opposed to all the past times I've written her.

 

I ALWAYS meant to write Hit Girl as a dark, brooding vigilinate. That was always the plan with her. And it came across in my previous matches.

 

The reason why she isn't like that in THIS particular fight is that this is the moment when she takes her oath not to kill. It's an emotionally gripping moment, and this before she struck out on her own. Are you saying that Hit Girl is not allowed to feel sadness, compassion or regret? Because she's not a robot, she's a human being. There has to be a moment when she expresses something other than rage. Of course criminals piss her off, but the whole point of the setup is that there's a difference between someone like the Joker or Mister Szasz and someone like Dani California, and this is the moment when Hit Girl learned such difference.

 

peypeypey and Lunacyde, I'm gonna show you all my past Hit Girl matches, and THEN you'll judge if I write Hit Girl wrong or not:

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=9203&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=9618&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=10017&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=10431&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=11335&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=13124&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=14213&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=22446&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=22581&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=23959&hl=citiesville&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=24073&hl=venturers&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=11611&hl=venturers&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=22760&hl=venturers&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=23104&hl=venturers&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=23178&hl=venturers&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=23358&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=23854&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=9734&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=12364&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=15472&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

http://www.electricferret.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=15705&hl=%22hit+girl%22&fromsearch=1

 

I don't think Hit Girl "sounds like Aunt May" in any of those matches.

[Guest Redemption X]

By the way, what many people forget is that Hit Girl is supposed to be my homage to Batman. And Batman, even Post-Crisis, DOES have emotional and/or tender moment, and he DOES reach out and help the less fortunate criminals.

[Peypeypeypey]

I'm not reading all of those

[Guest skadoosh]

I'm not reading all of those

 

TLDR.

[Peypeypeypey]

Remember, in the movie, when she (Hit Girl) invades Rasul's place and kills literally everyone there? Remember how there's that one chick who's scared for her life and tries to run away? Remember how Hit Girl brutally and mercilessly killed her without a second thought? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. She never shows any remorse at all when she kills people, despite the fact that they might just be running with the wrong crowd.

 

You see, people tend to have personalities, and that's what you wanna shoot for when you're writing about them. This is a fan fiction-esque website, so you should try to capture the character the way the writer writes them, and not the way you want.

 

Also, let's pretend you did write everyone in character, and you got them moderately decently. The set-up still gets nothing more than a "C". The idea isn't clever in the slightest. There's a bank robbery, Hit Girl and Big Daddy break it up, Hit Girl sides with the robber, Big Daddy gets angry. Nothing remotely interesting about it. It could have been, I guess, but you really needed to delve deeper than "She sudden realizes that her entire life goal is wrong and change instantly on the spot". Your writing didn't describe anything well, and it was just boring to read.

[Guest Redemption X]

I'm not reading all of those

 

Then you have ZERO bussiness yelling at me for "not doing my research".

 

If you are not willing to do your research on my Hit Girl matches, you are never gonna get a proper sense on how I write Hit Girl. Because you have the memory of a goldfish and can't seem to remember stuff that I wrote one or two years ago.

 

Seriously, you tell me "I'm not reading all of those", yet you yell at me for not finding out where the movie "Kick Ass" takes place? Again, pot calling the kettle black.

[Guest Redemption X]

Remember, in the movie, when she (Hit Girl) invades Rasul's place and kills literally everyone there? Remember how there's that one chick who's scared for her life and tries to run away? Remember how Hit Girl brutally and mercilessly killed her without a second thought? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. She never shows any remorse at all when she kills people, despite the fact that they might just be running with the wrong crowd.

 

You see, people tend to have personalities, and that's what you wanna shoot for when you're writing about them. This is a fan fiction-esque website, so you should try to capture the character the way the writer writes them, and not the way you want.

 

Also, let's pretend you did write everyone in character, and you got them moderately decently. The set-up still gets nothing more than a "C". The idea isn't clever in the slightest. There's a bank robbery, Hit Girl and Big Daddy break it up, Hit Girl sides with the robber, Big Daddy gets angry. Nothing remotely interesting about it. It could have been, I guess, but you really needed to delve deeper than "She sudden realizes that her entire life goal is wrong and change instantly on the spot". Your writing didn't describe anything well, and it was just boring to read.

 

It's not so much that it isn't a clever idea, as much as the whole "she's not in character" that I take offense to. I DO try to write everyone in a match in-character, so I don't like being told that I don't. A good example is my Touhou matches, I do try to stay true to what I believe are the personalities and quirks of each characters. Of course, you never notice, since you are not fans of the Touhou Project...

[Peypeypeypey]

It's not so much that it isn't a clever idea, as much as the whole "she's not in character" that I take offense to. I DO try to write everyone in a match in-character, so I don't like being told that I don't. A good example is my Touhou matches, I do try to stay true to what I believe are the personalities and quirks of each characters. Of course, you never notice, since you are not fans of the Touhou Project...

What's the Touhou project?

[Guest Redemption X]

You don't know what the Touhou Project is? Really?

 

I've been writing Touhou matches for almost three years now (longer than I've been writring Touhou Reviews), I've used the Touhou characters countless of times, and you still don't know.

 

What do you think the links next to the character are for, anyway? You are supposed to click on them so you find out about the characters. How come nobody seems to do that?

 

Oh, and I supposed you don't know what "Melty Blood" or "Scary Go Round" are, either?

[Peypeypeypey]

Then you have ZERO bussiness yelling at me for "not doing my research".

 

If you are not willing to do your research on my Hit Girl matches, you are never gonna get a proper sense on how I write Hit Girl. Because you have the memory of a goldfish and can't seem to remember stuff that I wrote one or two years ago.

 

Seriously, you tell me "I'm not reading all of those", yet you yell at me for not finding out where the movie "Kick Ass" takes place? Again, pot calling the kettle black.

 

I could make a novel out of all the things that are wrong here.

 

1. There is a huge difference between using Google to find something (which take about 10 seconds) and reading 21 set-ups.

2. It doesn't matter. The personality should still be the same because this is the prologue match. Her personality should be at least identifiable, and guess what? It isn't. I shouldn't have to read 21 set-ups to understand the character.

3. I'm not the one writing the Set-up. It's just lazy to not look up the bare basics of the fight YOU'RE writing.