Guest DeoJusto Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 The Charger rockets across the desert. Dean is waddling from side to side in the back seat, Hank is in shotgun with the Chekov dangling from his gangly fingers. Archer is at the wheel. Dean leans in through to the front seat. “Can we pull over?†“Over where,†Archer says, “You live in the middle of the desert, the only places to pull over around here are coyote dens and meth labs.†“But I need to go to the bathroom.†“What am I your mother?†“We don’t have a mom,†Hank says. Archer laughs, “Lucky you.†Dean moans. “Pleeeeeease!†“No. God, you have to be the world champ of high pitched annoying voices. You’re worse then your dad. When somebody says I need you to escort my twins and protect them from supervillains, you expect a pair of sexy blonde heiresses, not the… ugh I had something for this. †Hank swivels in his chair. “The Hard-ly boys twins?†“Yes, thank you.†“Thanks I guess,†Hank says “But, we never said we were girls,†“It was implied!†“Um Mr. Archer,†Dean says, “No for the last time I am not pulling over, pee in a coke bottle or something. Or better yet just piss all over the back seat like a damn ocelot.†Hank laughs. “Brock would kill you if you let anything happen to this car.†“I’m not afraid of him.†“Mr. Archer?†Archer sighs. “What?†Deans shoots his finger towards the open road. Sterling looks and sees the massive flying cocoon bearing down on them. “Holy shit, what is that?†Hank’s wrist communicator buzzes on as if on cue. “Well hello Mr. Sampson, we meet again… Wait, you’re not Brock.†“And you must be the new crowned champ of annoying voices. Sorry Dean you lost your title.†“I’m the Monarch you dick. And I’m here to kidnap the Venture Brothers; now hand them over and I will spare you from a merciless death at the hands of my lightning cannon.†“It has hands?†“No, its poetic license jackass.†The Lightning Cannon fires off a warning shot. Archer swerves wildly. Dean goes flying into the side door. “Ow.†“Shit,†Archer says, “he actually has a lightning cannon. Did not see that coming.†“Told you,†Monarch whines over the P.A., “Now hand over the Venture Boys or I will convert you all into smoldering ash!†“The hell you will. I don’t care if you are the Emperor, Sterling Archer does not negotiate with supervillains.†“MONARCH!†The villain screams, “I’m the Monarch. Like the butterflies, it’s a theme thing, its—†Archer starts laughing so loud that the Monarch can’t speak over him. “Butterflies? Really? Oh wait, hold on. Um hello Police, there’s a flamboyant man in a butterfly costume who wants to kidnap a pair of teenage boys. Disturbing much?†A blast of lightning explodes the roof off the car. A giant net shoots into the hole and nabs Dean, and is then yanked away by a grappling hook. Dean goes flying into the sky towards the Cocoon, spraying terror piss all over the road. Archer just watches. “Oh really?†He yells, “no hands but it has a net gun grappling cannon? That doesn’t count somehow?†The Cocoon hovers ahead. Archer punches the gas. He picks up his phone and dials. It rings almost endlessly. “Pick up Lana, for shit’s sake where are you?†“I think she went away with Brock,†Hank says, “He said they had a special mission.†“Oh great she’s off getting laid by Thunderpecs McMullet and I’m getting shot at by a fricken laser cannon! How could this get any worse?!†The Checkov goes off for no reason, firing a slug into the engine block. The Charger slowly crawls to a stop. Archer watches as the Cocoon flies off into the desert. “…. And now, I’m furious.†------------ Archer’s Mission, save Dean. This is fourth season Monarch with his minions, his wife, the moppets, and 21. Archer is Archer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callisto Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Learn More AboutSterling ArcherRead more about Sterling Archer at WikipediaOfficial Site: 20th Century Fox Links: Wikipedia Archer Offical Wbesite archer.wiki The MonarchRead more about The Monarch at WikipediaOfficial Site: Cartoon Network Links: Wiki-The Monarch Adult Swim Official Venture Bros. Site Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deojusto Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Hopefully someone other than me has seen both these shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Djgambrell Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Wow. This was actually. A *vulgarity*ing amazing set-up! Nice! Archer. Because as much as he messes up the monarch always fails harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamagingRob Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 You're not an adult, DJ. What is this sorcery? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Djgambrell Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 *vulgarity*. DJedit: Wow it wasn't a fluke. Can still say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamagingRob Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Also, great set-up, Deo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest skadoosh Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Archer's got this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Wookiee Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 aww, bugger,I was working on this idea for a match, but this is way better than what I was planning so good job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deojusto Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I could see Monarch winning if 21 outfights Archer, Mrs. The Monarch seduces him (easy enough), or the henchman just Zerg swarm him. They were able to take down Brock once, and Archer < Brock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Djgambrell Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Eh I see the seduction going as. Mrs. Monarch: Hey big boy. Archer: Jesus christ whats wring with your voice?! Then punching her thinking its a guy in disguise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deojusto Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 He's fallen for a man in drag before, it just depends how drunk you get him. Plus, she's smokin hot and his standards aren't that high Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Djgambrell Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Point... Though he's not drunk. And That man at least didn't sound like to much of a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest skadoosh Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Brock > Archer..? You sure about that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deojusto Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I'd bet Brock > Archer. It was going to be my first match with him but I skipped it because I thought it would be two one-sided; this was a compromise in a way. Maybe Archer can work his way up to that match, but Brock beats down Swiss Guard Gorilla Bodyguards and rips through Henchmen like newspaper. Both got captured by Pirates. Archer got them drunk and shot them until they randomly surrendered. Brock was handicapped to no gun, no knife and at one point literally kills a man with his ass. Both killed a shark. Archer shot his. Brock's killed at least two, at one point while also fighting frog men with spear guns, and finishing off the fish by beating it to death with an air tank. Both have fought bionic men. I say fought and not killed, because Archer routinely gets his ass kicked. Brock kicked cyborg ass while fighting Sasquatch at the same time. The Venture world is more wacky and therefore a little more extreme, meaning the Monarch may well be more of a challenge. However, Archer's main advantage is that he seems to be one of the few people on the planet who actually owns a gun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest skadoosh Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Damn. I knew Brock was a beast, but i didn't realize how badly he would beat Archer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Djgambrell Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I feel like this will be one of archers owning moments. Like with the assassins attacking the hot swedish girl. He'll do weirdly well just because it pisses the monarch off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ninjakageyyz Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Archer... He's actually mad, have you seen archer go beast mode when he's mad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Wookiee Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Archer... He's actually mad, have you seen archer go beast mode when he's mad? Terms of Enrampagement! RAMPAGE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hastur Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 This is, I think, the best, most accurately characterized intro I've ever read. My money's on Brock. He deals with bigger, weirder threats, sans gun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treacherous Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 SPAMMIN' You sir, have been spammed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callisto Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Match Final ResultsUSER RATINGS A A SCORE Sterling Archer: 23The Monarch: 8FPA: 4.0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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