Bergy_Berg Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 “Oh my god, Kaley, did you see what Brittany was wearing today?” “Shelly, that was THE most hideous swimsuit ever. The 1970s want their buttons back.” Shelly took a long sip from her wine cooler, her feet dangling off the edge of her inner tube as she lazily floated on Crystal Lake. “And did you see the way she was looking at Eric today? She has no idea that I’m already sleeping with him.” Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... “Um, Shelly, I think our inner tubes are leaking some air or something. I’m hearing, like, a weird hissing noise.” Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... “Kaley, it sounds like a weird, distorted whisper.” Shelly does her best impression of the noise. “Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah...” “’Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah?’” Kaley said mockingly. “You’re so dumb, it’s clearly 'Ki Ki Ki, Ma Ma Ma... Ki Ki Ki, Ma Ma Ma...’” “What? No, you’re so dumb, it sounds nothing like that. It’s definitely ‘Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah...’” “No! Ki Ki Ki, Ma Ma Ma!” “Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah!” “Ki Ki Ki, Ma Ma Ma!” The stereotypical ‘80s bimbos wouldn’t have the chance to finish their intellectual and nuanced argument. Shelly and Kaley each felt a massive hand grab them by the hair, and before they could scream, they were dragged under the murky water. Shortly after, a waterlogged giant would emerge from the lake. In one hand was a machete, and in the other were the severed heads of his victims. ‘This place is perfect.’ Bruce Banner found himself trekking through the woods with a group of coed campers. ‘Working at a summer camp is just what I need right now. Time spent outdoors, relaxed, taking in nature with some young and happy people. It’s such luck that Camp Crystal Lake opened up just when I got into town.’ “Mr. Green, Bobby is being a creep again!” The outburst from one of the teen girls in the group broke the calm and silence. ‘Except chaperoning a bunch of teenagers might drive me up a wall.’ “God dang it Bobby, leave Brittany alone!” “I wasn’t doing anything Mr. Green! I was just asking Brittany how her cat’s doing.” “Except you didn’t use the word cat, you pervert!” “Bobby!” Bruce Banner roared, his eyes turning a shade of green. “I swear if you don’t stop harassing the other campers I’ll toss you across the lake!” The sudden shift in demeanor freaked Bobby out, and he walked away from the irate Brittany. Bruce took a deep, calming breath. “Look kids, you don’t want to make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. So let’s not do anything that you wouldn’t do around your parents. Bruce’s alarm clock went off at 2 a.m. It was time for him to make rounds at the camp, ensure everyone was in bed-their own beds-where they were supposed to be. He could hear music coming from the boy’s cabin, All Along the Watchtower just blaring. As he walked up, an unmistakable scent caught his attention. Strong, skunky... “You guys have got to be kidding me!” he yelled. These kids were going to give him an aneurysm, or worse. He pounded on the cabin door. “Come on, open up you miscreants!” Banner pounded on the door a few more times. “Fine, I’m coming in!” He swung the door open. There were no partying teenagers inside. He was met instead by smashed furniture, a trail of blood, and the body of one miscreant named Bobby. “Jesus Christ, what the hell happened here?” A window was smashed in, surrounded by blood. He examined Bobby, who’s head had been twisted around to face the wrong direction. The blood made a trail leading through the cabin and out the back door. “HELP!” A young woman’s scream came from nearby. Bruce ran out the back door in that direction, and found Brittany holding Eric’s severed head. “Brittany, what happened? Who did this?” “S-s-s-s-some guy in a hockey mask,” she whimpered. “He smashed in through the window and killed Bobby. We all ran outside, but he’s been picking us off and- oh god!” She pointed behind Bruce. He turned around, and was immediately met with a machete. The strike sliced through him, and the force of the impact sent him flying away. Jason turned his attention to the quivering Brittany. He advances, slowly raising the blade above his head. Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... He lurches forward, the machete coming down in a wide arc. Brittany covers her head in fear. She holds her arms over her head for what feels like an eternity, before finally peeking out to see the masked villain's arm being held in place by a giant hand. Standing behind him is a green being made of pure muscle. “Rraaaaaghrhgrhgrhgrhg!!!!” The green giant eloquently expressed his displeasure as the two engage in battle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callisto Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Learn More About Jason Voorhees Read more about Jason Voorhees at Wikipedia Official Site: Newline Cinema Links: Wiki - Jason Voorhees Camp Blood Friday the 13th - The Website Hulk (70's TV Series) Read more about Hulk (70's TV Series) at Wikipedia Official Site: Marvel Links: Wikipedia Marvel Database Wiki Grudge Match Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bergy_Berg Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 I know it says Hulk is from the 1970s but the series ran until 1982. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugo Fowl Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 TV show Hulk? Hmm. ...Tempted to give it to Lou. But Jason will just keep coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSJRuss Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Which Jason we talking here? Before or after Part 6 when he got resurrected? Just about all of the movies were in the 80s but Jason is a little different in each. Great match and believable set-up. I enjoyed this, felt classic CBUB so I'm surprised these two have never fought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Classic match with two 80's icons. Very entertaining read. I had to chuckle over the use of the Friday the 13th "Jason Theme" Ch Ch Ch, Ah Ah Ah... I would give this match to the 80's TV version of The Hulk over the 80's Movie Jason. I believe we saw in "Freddy vs. Jason" that Jason can be stopped when you get to dismembering him. I would fully expect The Hulk to start ripping arms from sockets to stop that Machete. Thanks for the match! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callisto Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Match Final Results Member Ratings:CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2 CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2 FPA Calculation:0 + 4 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 4 Total Votes ( (0 * 5) + (4 * 4) + (0 * 3) + (0 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 16 Total Stars Score 16 / 4 = 4.00 Total Rating MATCH SCORE Jason Voorhees: 7Hulk (70's TV Series): 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugo Fowl Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Wow, that was closer than I expected it to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DSkillz Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 Ugh, missed another good one. Great match, Bergy. The addition of the Jason sound effects were just hilarious! As for the match, yeah, Hulk should've won this by temporary incapacitation. Jason definitely would've stayed down long enough for Hulk to lose interest and leave the battlefield. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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