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Match 16904 Squidward Tentacles vs. Daffy Duck


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Greenwood Film Studios, Hollywood, USA.


*Buzz!* Mr. Greenwood sir? There’s a Mr. Daffy Duck and a Mr. Squidward Tentacles here to see you.”


James Greenwood, Chairman of Greenwood Films, smirked at hearing his secretary’s report. Taking out a Cuban Cigar from the jar on his desk, figuring he deserved a little celebration. After all this was just what he needed to transform his humble little studio into a main contender in the Hollywood film industry, as long as he chose the right star for the role.


“Send them in at once Ms. Kelly,” The Chairman ordered as he lit his cigar.


The door to Greenwood’s office burst open, and two anthropomorphic cartoon animals attempted to enter the office at once. The turquoise octopus, wearing only a brown shirt and possessing a rather large nose, grunted as he tried to push past the other toon. The black feathered duck with a white neck ring pushed back against his competitor though, determined to be the first one to enter.


After much pushing and straining, the two cartoon animals fell to the floor almost simultaneously. Brushing themselves off, the duck and octopus made their way over to the desk of Mr. James Greenwood.


“Squidward! Daffy! So glad you both could make it! Please have a seat fellows, we got so much to talk about!”


“I’ll say Jimmy! For starters, whose bright idea was to have this surly, snobbish, simpleton as the welcome committee to your office?”


“Oh puh-lease! The delusional duck was the one causing the problems! He wouldn’t stop talking about he great he used to be at Warner Brothers until that ‘long eared, carrot chomping miscreant’ stole the spotlight from him. It was giving me a migraine!”


“Well it’s true! Why if it wasn’t for me, that backstabbing company would have never made it past the public radio! And they repay me by making that despicable rabbit the companies mascot! But hey, no can say that Daffy Duck stays where he’s not appreciated! It took a lot of boring legal work to get me out of my contract with Warner Bros, so you better have the offer of a lifetime Jimmy.”


“Now just a minute duck boy! Mr. Greenwood has already told me I was his choice for his studios newest project! And I am not going back to being the designated punchline for that annoying, barnacle headed sea sponge!”


“Fellas, fellas, relax. First things first, let me explain to you guys my offer: see these last couple of months my kids have bugging me night and day to get them Disney Plus so that they could watch that Marvel/Disney show Loki. Now at first I was rather annoyed, but then I had an epiphany! Our target audience these days are sick to death of watching the same boring, cliche, traditional heroes they see all the time on their cartoons! See the truth is, folks these days would rather watch a series about the evil trickster Loki, then his heroic and strong brother Thor. Wanna guess why that is?”


“The 90’s trend of gritty anti-heroes is back?” Daffy Duck guessed.


“People these days are greedy and selfish monsters who wanna see other greedy selfish monsters succeed?” Squidward speculated.


“No and no. It’s because folks these days better identify with the woobie character then ever before! You know, the character who constantly loses, constantly gets humiliated and beaten on by the more gallant and traditionally strong character! Bonus points for if the character is also the more cynical and sarcastic one of the cast, for obvious reasons. See our audience better identify with those characters because more often then not they see themselves as that character! And once I realized that little fact I figured why shouldn’t I take advantage of this new rising fan base and make my own ‘Loki’ show? That’s why your both here gentlemen: you are both some of the saddest, most pathetically accurate examples of woobies I could bring under my company.”






“With all due respect I assure you! But that’s why I’m offering you both the position of a lifetime: to become the newest stars of Greenwood Studios newest flagship series! The one that finally allows you guys the opportunity to become the main lead and no longer play second banana to either Bugs or Spongebob!”


“Really? A Squidward Tentacles show? Oh Mr. Greenwood you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear that!” Squidward nearly cried at Mr. Greenwood’s offer.


“Now your talking Jimmy boy! When does shooting start? I want a full origins story that goes my glorious rise to stardom and a theme that accurately captures my greatness and my attractiveness!” Daffy dramatically posed and mugged as he envisioned it all.


“Well let’s not get ahead of ourselves fellas. First of all we gotta decide which one of you will actually get the opportunity.”


A record scratching sound was heard as both duck and octopus felt their hopes drop as they heard what James Greenwood just said.


“Sadly we don’t have the budget to produce two shows at once, so the producers and I decided to launch one show first just to see if it’ll catch the enough attention or not. And hey if it get’s popular enough, maybe we’ll be able to make a show for the other guy in a year or two.”


“Surely you mean to produce my show first Jimmy! I’m clearly a bigger and brighter star then Iznogoud the ink spewer over there.”


“Excuse me?! Mr. Greenwood I am artist! A once in a generation talent who has for too long been sidelined by those big wig buffoons at Nickelodeon! And I refuse to wait for my chance at stardom behind some outdated and poorly drawn duck!”


“Now just a second there buster! Need I remind you that I was headlining cartons and rolling in the moolah before you were even a concept art in a break room?!”


“Well if you ask me, I think your time has come and gone old timer. And it’s time for a younger toon to be given a shot!”


Daffy Duck and Squidward Tentacles went nose to bill, growling at each other in anger.


“Take it easy boys, you’ll both get your chance to show us your talents. Our show runners have already set up several auditions starting this week that are meant to show us how well you two would do in the following television genres: Action, Mystery, Drama, Romance, and Comedy. It’ll both show us your acting ranges and give us some ideas for the show. Ms. Kelly will email you two the specifics, so let’s try to keep it professional okay?”


“Hmph! I still find it degrading that a seasoned actor like myself must compete for a role so clearly meant for me!” Daffy crossed his arms in a haughtily manner.


“Yeah. I bet Bugs Bunny would have never had this trouble, huh lispy? Eughhehehaa!” Squidward’s nose deflated and inflated as he laughed.


“… Youuu’re deththpicable!!!”




One of these two long overshadowed cosmic woobies will finally get the chance to become the star they always dreamed they would become. But which one will it be? The winner shall be decided based on whoever does the best at the following auditions based around the genres the producers are considering for the show:


Action- The two characters must wow the producers by fighting off a group of laser firing mooks and hungry guard dogs. The last one standing wins this round.

Mystery- Both contestants are given an atypical crime scene to solve. The first wannabe sleuth to crack the case wins this round.

Drama- This round will test each characters ability to draw the audience in and make them feel for them. The two will memorize and act out a scene where their just on the verge of losing it all and practically begging the universe to give them some kind of a miracle. Whomever does it the most convincingly wins.

Romance- Our production has caught the attention of rising star actress Natalie Barrera. This no-nonsense, firecracker is gonna be a huge draw to the public, so she’ll need a leading man who can work great beside her. Whoever has the best chemistry and working relationship with Ms. Barrera will take this round.

Comedy- Each of our potential stars will put together a comedic shtick of there choosing to be presented before a live audience. The star who generates the most laughs from the audience will earn the win.


Best 3/5 will win. Cheating or attempting to sabotage your opponent is of course officially condemned, but secretly a familiar tactic in the cutthroat world of Hollywood. Break a leg gentlemen, cause Lord knows you two have been through worse!

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Now Squidward and Daffy I'm familiar with. :) 

Very good set-up, Pizzaguy. Daffy and Squidward are right in-character. :D I think Daffy wins his own show, though. Both guys are known screw-ups, but Daffy has actually shown talent on a regular basis. 

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Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - patrickthekid
4.00 - SSJRuss
4.70 - DSkillz
5.00 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
18.70 Total Combined Score
18.70 / 4 = 4.67 Final Rating on the match

Squidward Tentacles: 0
Daffy Duck: 5

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