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JohnnyChany, January 23 in CBUB Rated Matches
In Ruggsville, Texas, four naive, unsuspecting teenagers left Captain Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters and Madmen in search of the tree where Dr. Satan was hanged after being told the story of the psychopathic doctor by the museum’s proprietor, “Captain Spaulding” Johnny Lee Johns. Once the teenagers were out of sight, Captain Spaulding chuckled to himself.
“Dumb saps,” he whispered under his breath before taking a bite of fried chicken.
Captain Spaulding had sent the doomed teenagers to certain death, to be tortured by the rest of the Firefly family and if any of them lasted long enough, Dr. Satan himself.
Spaulding walked back into the gas station that he also owned and operated and was startled by a strange sound outside. He ambled out the front to see an ice cream truck by one of the pumps. Sitting in the driver’s seat was a familiar face, the youngest member of the Firefly brood, the blonde haired Baby Firefly.
“Look what I got!” she announced as she honked the horn.
Confusion spread across Spaulding’s face. “Baby, what are you doing? I just sent some fresh meat to the tree.”
Baby palmed her forehead. “Oh shit I forgot!” She sighed. “I was just thinking about what you said the other day about one of these days those cops are going to come here full force and we will need an escape plan.”
“So you got an ice cream truck?” Spaulding asked incredulously.
“We will need a vehicle big enough for the whole family.” Baby reasoned. “I’m pretty sure we could all fit in here. And it’s not just any ice cream truck, it’s the coolest ice cream truck I’ve ever seen. Just look at it.”
Captain Spaulding looked over the ice cream truck. It was dirty and dingy. There was a large clown head with fire hair attached to the roof. The clown head looked familiar to Spaulding, but he wasn’t sure from where.
“I need to fill her up,” Baby called out. “I took her from a gas station down a few miles on the highway. I haven’t even had a chance to see what treats this guy was carrying in here.”
Baby Firefly jumped out of her seat and retreated to the back of the truck. Captain Spaulding was still circling around the vehicle when Baby swung the back door open with a big grin on her face.
“You gotta see this!”
Captain Spaulding stepped into the back of the ice cream truck. Instead of delicious ice cream desserts, his eyes discovered three dead bodies.
“What the hell? Are these yours?” Spaulding inquired.
Baby laughed. “No way. They were already in here when I took the truck. This ice cream man may be a good time.”
Captain Spaulding suddenly remembered why he recognized the clown head on top of the truck.
“Oh shit! This truck belongs to Needles Kane!”
“Needles Kane. He is a notorious serial killer. I’ve heard them talk about him on the radio. He rides around in an ice cream truck. We’ve got to ditch this thing, we don’t need that kind of attention,” Spaulding declared.
Baby was dumbstruck. “There is a serial killer who rides around in this?”
“Yeah, the legend is he uses it for a demented demolition derby named Twisted Metal. He calls it Sweet Tooth. In fact, there is….” Spaulding trailed off.
“What is it?” wondered Baby.
Captain Spaulding went up to the front seat without answering and messed with some controls. At the pull of a lever, machine guns emerged from the side of the truck. Another button labeled fireball then caught his attention.
“This truck is exactly what we need!” He hollered with joy. He smiled at Baby Firefly. “Ya done did good!”
Baby grinned. Captain Spaulding snatched the keys to Sweet Tooth and then exited the truck.
“C’mon, we don’t got time to waste,” he warned.
“Where are you going?” asked Baby. “We still need to fill up the tank.”
She followed Captain Spaulding back into the gas station convenience store.
“Needles Kane can show up any moment and he ain’t going to be happy that we are taking his pride and joy. We need to be ready to put him down,” stated Captain Spaulding.
“Ain’t no problem,” insisted Baby.
“Kane isn’t no wide eyed teenager or jackass cop, he’s a real killer. I’m going to go grab some things, wait here,” Spaulding instructed.
He then disappeared through the back exit of the gas station convenience store to gather some weapons. Inside the store, Baby started looking around at some of the decorations when the front door opened and shut behind her. She looked over and saw a man hunched over in blue overalls by the candy.
“Can I help you with something?” asked Baby.
“Just here to pick up some things,” the man replied without turning around.
The realization that this stranger may be a witness to whatever was going to go down between her, Captain Spaulding, and Needles Kane suddenly struck Baby. She would need to get rid of him. Baby slyly walked over by the counter and grabbed a knife.
“Sure I can’t help you with anything, no one knows these roads better than me,” she boasted.
Baby slowly crept up behind the man with the intent to stab him to death.
“Actually I do have a question,” he replied as he stood up with his back still to her.
The heavy set man in overalls, Needles Kane, himself, quickly turned around and jammed a large machete into Baby’s chest.
“Who in the hell has the keys to my truck?!?”
Baby’s eyes widened at the sight of Kane’s head catching fire and looking exactly like the clown head on Sweet Tooth’s roof.
Needles Kane pressed his blade deeper. “I don’t like repeating myself.”
Captain Spaulding left his secret stash of weapons when he heard Baby shout in pain. He glared in anger through the window as Baby’s body slumped to the ground. Without hesitation, he stormed through the backdoor with a machete of his own.
“You’re going to regret that, Kane,” he threatened.
“If you know who I am, then you know what I’m capable of,” said Kane. “Where are the keys?”
"We’ve got your truck now and we’re keeping it,” Spaulding declared.
“I’ll hack off every limb on your body until I get those keys.”
Two cold blooded killers in clown makeup fighting to the death with machetes for the right to own the extremely dangerous battle vehicle, Sweet Tooth.
I'm gonna go with Sweet Tooth!
That guy is seriously unhinged and when it comes to his truck... He ain't giving that up for ANYONE.
Another great one, Johnny
I'm voting Sweet Tooth for this one
Very good set-up, Johnny. Interesting battle of the killer clowns.
As for the match, I've read that one of Captain Spaulding's specialties is torture, but that may not do a lot of good against someone with his head literally on fire and apparently has peak human strength in Sweet Tooth. I think Needles eventually wins in a pretty bloody battle.
Match Final Results
Member Ratings:5.00 - StormChaser
5.00 - Boratz
4.80 - DSkillz
FPA Calculation:3 Total Votes cast
14.80 Total Combined Score
14.80 / 3 = 4.93 Final Rating on the match
MATCH SCORE Captain Spaulding: 0Sweet Tooth: 4
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